A Friend May Well Be Reckoned A Masterpiece Of Nature

To stand in true relations with men in a false age is worth a fit of insanity, is it not? We can seldom go erect. Almost every man we meet requires some civility, – requires to be humored; he has some fame, some talent, some whim of religion or philanthropy in his head that is not to be questioned, and which spoils all conversation with him. But a friend is a sane man who exercises not my ingenuity, but me. My friend gives me entertainment without requiring any stipulation on my part. A friend, therefore, is a sort of paradox in nature. I who alone am, I who see nothing in nature whose existence I can affirm with equal evidence to my own, behold now the semblance of my being, in all its height, variety, and curiosity, reiterated in a foreign form; so that a friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature. -Ralph Aldo Emerson-

Why Beautiful Women Never Asked On A Real Date

The Most Beautiful Successful & Loyal Women have never been taken out on a real date.

“Many females are gold diggers, too stuck up, so how can I approach? If you don’t have a big bank account to spoil on them, they won’t let you ask them out,” a tall, muscular, Australian futures trader asked me at a public speak I did for a group of business men, through a third-party cooperation.

“The Most Beautiful Successful Women have never been taken out on a real date; not because they are gold diggers, cocky, stuck up or unapproachable. Beautiful Women are actually the most approachable, sweetest, friendly, financially independent, caring women,” I responded. “As men, we must be chivalrous enough to ask her out on a REAL date, plan and pay for everything. But don’t “ask” her; be confident and say,

“I would like to take you out on a date this Thursday to hear live music after dinner, a deep conversation and a walk on the boardwalk; what time are you available?”

You don’t ask a woman out; you ask her what time she’s available. This is out of respect, because a woman has the right to take however long she wants getting dressed. Perhaps her eyebrows are a bit bushy, and she needs to see her specific threader, maybe her toe nails are a bit on the eagle claw side and she needs a pedicure; but she’s DESERVING of a date, so to even ask her the question, as if it is in question, is disrespect. Let her know when you want to take her out, then give her the option to let you know if she feels you deserve to be graced with her presence on a date.

Never tell a woman:
“Let’s meet up”
“Let’s hang”
“Let’s kick it”
“Let’s chill”
No, ask her when she’s available for a date.

She is NOT your ‘bro’. Treat her like a woman. Don’t ask a woman, ‘so where do you want to go?” No, you plan it. You pick the venues and events; yes events plural. Please do not take a woman simply to a movie on a first date young kings.

She doesn’t know you from a random stray yorkie on the street; the last thing you want to do is spend two hours with a woman sitting in a dark room, not talking to her and not looking at her. She might as well have stayed home and watched Scandal in the comfort of her own bed, cuddling with her cat or dog. At least then, her phone would be fully charging, instead of it dying while she’s dying inside; stuck sitting next to a male with not enough romance to take her somewhere exciting for a date.

Women long for spontaneous acts of romance. She’s both an intellect who needs to be mentally stimulated, as well as a goofy young woman with an inappropriate sense of humor, who needs to be stimulated with sarcastic wit and a dash of randomness.

“So why should I pay just to sleep with a woman? Most women let you sleep with them on the first night free of charge anyway,” a British man with a heavy accent asked.

“You’re not paying for sex when you treat a woman on a date,” I answered. “See, diamonds are pursued, because their worth is clearly valued and treasured. You are treating her to a date, because she is DESERVING. If you spoil her with consistency and attention, she will spoil you with love and loyalty. Sure a promiscuous female may sleep with you on the first date, but a mentally mature woman knows; you don’t deserve to lay with her, if you’re not willing to take her out on a date and prove to her why you deserve any of her time.

We have to check yourselves as men; some males only commit to a woman, not because he is ready to be faithful to her, only because he doesn’t want any other men having sex with her. The reason some males are hesitant to commit to a woman is, because he knows he is afraid of love and afraid to get his commitment broken; but he wants to have sex with promiscuous women, because he knows they will never ever break his heart, as they only want sex. It is up to us to be strong-minded men, and not be so emotional, we are hesitant to commit to a woman. Be sure of the real reason you don’t ever ask a woman out on a date; it may just be, because you’re afraid of love.

To listen to Ebrahim Aseem’s very first radio interview, click play bellow:

When I’m on a date with a Woman, I like to make her laugh; see her cheese and smile hard. I like to hold her hand and hug her close, so I can feel her heart beat through her chest and onto mine. I like to look her in her eyes the whole time we deeply converse and wax sarcasm. Little things like that make taking a woman out on a date so special. You may think that’s corny, but women prefer a corny man over an arrogant asshole who is too afraid to bring her a bouquet of flowers, because he doesn’t want to be called ‘corny’ by his male friends.

I want you young kings to know, there are women out there who think good, successful men like you don’t exist, and that is because we as men have to step it up with our actions. What defines a king is not his physical physique, nor his sexual prowess; what defines a king is his actions matching his regal thought pattern. Many young women have never met a good man like you, and are starting to doubt whether or not chivalrous men like you even exist.

I received a tweet recently from a young Canadian woman who really humbled me. She asked, ‘@EbrahimAseem can you tell me why beautiful women who want commitment will never be asked on a real date, but a stripper will?”

Reading that made me feel guilty as a man, not just because of the sad-face emoji that preceded the tweet. It was because of the sincerity in her tone, and even though her statement doesn’t directly apply to me or reflect my own behavior; the fact so many women feel this way, makes me see I’m not doing enough as a man to show young kings, the importance of faithfully committing yourself to a woman is; it will teach us the discipline to mentality mature as a man and the responsibility that can help us in our career, education, family and every aspect of our lives.

Some males are too scared to even ask a woman out, so he instead will say, ‘you wanna grab lunch?’ Males do this for one of two reasons: he is either very shy and inexperienced in dating a respectable woman, or he wants to use the friend-zone role against a woman, so she can never expect commitment from him.

As men, we have to make our intentions with a woman crystal clear. From the moment we first take her out on a date; she should know whether or not it is a platonic date, or if there is any romantic interest involved. Don’t waste her time; tell a woman on the first date,

‘Sweetheart, just as clear as I can see my reflection in your deep brown eyes, I can clearly see you are deserving of commitment and faithfulness from the man of your dreams. I want to get to know you to see how compatible I am with you, in efforts of pursuing a possible relationship with you in the near future. I understand this may take time, however, I intend to take you out on dates consistently and court you, affording you the ability to clearly see for yourself if I’m worthy of your commitment.’

After you tell her this, respect whatever decision she makes. If she let’s you know she doesn’t want to pursue anything further with you; do not stalk a woman, blow up her phone, try to communicate with her on various social networks and make her fear for her safety. You’re just proving why she was initially correct in not giving you the opportunity to pursue anything with her.

Conversely, if she does let you know she wants to pursue something with her, do not waste valuable time you could be spending getting to know her, trying to have sex with her.

If you really like a woman, don’t text her repeatedly asking her, ‘so when are we going to be able to romantically express ourselves with each other?’ Don’t text her repeatedly asking her to send you pictures; and please don’t send a woman pictures of your penis she didn’t as for.

If you really like her, walk into her job and surprise her with flowers. There’s a 1800Flowers app right in your phone. Show up to her job during her lunch break with her favorite flowers in hand and say, ‘Good afternoon gorgeous, these are for you. Now, grab your coat and your cell phone from the charger; I’m taking you out for lunch today. What time are you taking your lunch?’ Again, don’t ASK her out, ask her what time she’s available to go out with you.

It’s always males who have never attracted a successful, intelligent woman of substance who say, ‘I refuse to spend money on getting to know a woman; I’m no woman’s trick.” Understand this young kings; it is NOT tricking to spoil a woman who is deserving of being treated, its all about hospitality. If I invite you over my house, I’m going to cook for you, correct?. I’m not going to tell you to order a pizza; nor am I going to make you go half on a pizza with me. You are blessing me with your company, so it is only right that I be hospitable enough to treat you.

Likewise, if you ask or invite a woman out for a date, why the hell would you ask her to pay for her own food, or pay her own admission? She is blessing you with her company and her presence. Understand, it is not up to a woman to pursue a man and give you attention to let you know she likes you. The woman is the treasure, and is to be pursued as such. I have never seen a diamond have to find a man who can treasure its value and appreciate its worth. Good women are diamonds in this regard.

If you see a woman is caring, loyal and deserving; let your spoil adorn her. A grown woman with her own money, should not always have to spend her own money. Make her call off work, but give her what she would have made that day at work, and then some. Then, surprise her with a trip to a snorkeling resort with a spa, mani/pedi treatment, so you she can enjoy spontaneous entertainment that day, before you treat her to a live jazz show that night.

Women are not gold diggers, a weak-minded female who lacks self ambition may be a gold digger, but an ambitious woman is not. Regardless, a woman’s pockets should never affect how much you spoil her with. She can make good money; still spoil the hell out of her, and when she wants to do something special for you, she will spoil the hell out of you; but you’re not doing it so she will sleep with you or commit to you. A woman knows whether or not she will ever sleep with a man, commit to a man, or if she will never give a man a second date based off how you behave on the first.

If when the bill comes, and a woman asks you, ‘how much is our bill? I’ll pay half,’ and you are cheap enough to ALLOW her to pay half, she will smile at you, pay it and never give you a second date. You just failed her test; oh yes. A woman has little tests she administers on a man, to see what type of man he is. Of course she has her own money; she just wants to see whether or not she is in the hands of a man, or a cheap ass little boy.

Never disrespect a woman by making her treat herself on a date you asked her for. She thought you were asking her out to prove to her why you deserve any of her time. Don’t make her regret giving you her number in the first place. If you’re not going to pursue a woman with enough consistency to take her out on a date within a week of her showing you with her hints and actions that she likes you; she will feel you are waiting her time, and she will cease to respond to your texts.

Text etiquette means everything to a woman of the twenty-first century. Even if she has a major crush on you, she still wants you to text her first. Loyal women are old-fashioned; they love to be pursued. However, if a woman does text you back and hours go by and her text just sits there unread; laying in your phone, like a homeless man on a park bench; meanwhile she knows, that you know, that she can see you liking multiple IG honeys’ pictures on Instagram; she will at that point put you on her ‘un-datable’ list on the tablet in her mind.

Don’t complain to a woman, asking her why she never: texts you back, comes to see you, or returns your calls; that’s unmanly. It’s not that she’s ‘ignoring’ you or ‘curving’ you. She is genuinely just tired of you wasting her time. She’s not ‘going ghost’; loyal women simply know a male doesn’t deserve her time if he isn’t willing to put in the consistent effort to earn it. You have yet to take her out on a real date, you have yet to articulate to her you want to date her exclusively and you still have yet to completely cut off your EXs. She can tell you obviously are not mature enough to commit to her, so don’t be surprised when she treats you like a stranger.

Inconsistency is a turn off to a loyal woman. The Idea women are more attracted to men who don’t show them any attention is false. Yes, it is attractive to a woman when a man is busy with his career and education enough to be married to his ambition, yet makes time for her. However, if you are giving random girls on social networks the time and attention you could be giving her; it will completely turn her off to you.

The more attention you give a woman, the more likely she is to allow her feelings for you to grow. When you take a woman on a date, or spend time with her in any way, she should have your full undivided attention. Not half your attention on her, half your attention of every notification that pops up on your cell phone. Your phone should not even be visible when you and her are spending one on one time; that is her time. You’re on a date with her, not your phone. It’s a turn off to a woman when she hears your phone notifications constantly going off while she is giving you the time and attention every man in her phone wishes they were getting from her. She wants to know if you can be loyal to her before a commitment with her.

The worst thing you can do to a strong-minded woman is insult her intelligence. Don’t try to lie or run game on her when she questions your loyalty. Don’t lie and say, ‘I need to check my phone, it’s business.’ She knows it’s not your job texting, by the consistency of the frequent notifications. She knows back to back iMessage notifications when she hears them, and no job would be that redundant in communication.

Even if it is business, what the hell does that have to do with her? When you’re in a business meeting, you would not take time out of it to respond to her texts, nor would a mentality mature woman want you to. She can respect your ambition; besides, that time is meant for your business to have your full attention.

Likewise, when you choose and commit to a date with a woman, you are promising her your full, undivided attention. You allocated that time for her and marked that date on your calendar for that specific time to spend with her. If you needed to handle business, you should have chosen a later date; but never rob a woman of time and full attention she deserves, as you may be the very man who restore her faith in real men and true love.

Last spring, I went out on a date with a Beautiful Eritrean Woman. I met her at Target, when I saw her shopping with twin snotty-nose babies who were touching everything she rolled the double stroller by. I really loved how much she was laughing, smiling and enjoying being goofy with the identical young children she was caring for; so I approached her. After introducing myself to her; to make her laugh, I said, ‘wow you have two beautiful children,’ very loudly, then I whispered to her, ‘but you need to put their little monkey asses in check, like Rafiki did Simba with his bamboo stick.’

She laughed extremely loud when I said that, to the point people in the store started staring at us. This woman’s smile was breathtaking pretty, with the beauty and grace of a Disney Princess, yet her laugh resembled the ratchetness of the hyenas from Lion King. After coming down from her laughgasm, she replied, ‘I can’t discipline them in any way, they are not my children, I’m a professional nanny.’

To which I reply, ‘then you need to professionally spank their little asses.” At which point, she started laughing uncontrollably yet again. Young kings, it is imperative you pay attention to the signs a woman gives you. I have noticed once I make a woman have a ‘Laughgasm’ I can tell she wants me to cut to the chase and ask for her number, so I did just that. After which, I bought the four of us Wild Cherry ICEEs, because the only reason I walked into Target in the first place was strictly for an ICEE.

That same day, I called her and invited her out on a date for later that night. Young kings, please do not use the lame ‘three day rule’ to wait and call a woman after you get her number. That rule is complete and utter B.S. She’s not going to think you’re too anxious if you contact her that day; she gave you her number to use it, so oblige her desire.

Once you get a woman’s number, don’t use it exclusively to text her; use it primarily to call her. An initial text is fine, but if you do not call a woman once she gives you her number; she will not take you seriously as a man. She’s not looking for a texting buddy; she’s looking for a man to potentially give her all to. Knowing this, I called her that night and invited her out on a date, but even though she said yes; she called me back thirty minute before our date and told me she was very busy.

We ended up rescheduling three times before we had our first date two weeks to the day, from the first day we met, and I talked to her on the phone everyday up until our first date. Understand, just because a woman is busy every time you ask her out, doesn’t necessarily mean she is flaking on you. You don’t know how challenging it is for a woman who is in school, works a job, and has her own business she is starting up. You don’t know how hard it is for her to find time in her busy schedule to free up more than an hour or two. As men, we have to be understanding of a woman’s schedule, never make her feel guilty for being ambitious and having a life outside her dating life.

Once I finally took this East African woman out, I treated her to a date to a Chakra Yoga Spa before dinner and live music on the boardwalk. I planned and paid for everything, and not only did we have a great time; I had her having laughgasm session the whole not. That is my secret weapon and I want you to use this as yours young kings. I’m hilarious, witty, goofy and extremely sarcastic on a date with a woman. I do this to show her my true nature, so she knows whether or not she wants to continue to get to know me.

When I picked her up from her house in East Oakland, I greeted her with Tiger Lilies and a box of chocolate dipped strawberries I made for her, to share my love of cooking with her. Giving a woman flowers and chocolate is not corny, it’s considerate; and that chivalrous behavior is what women look for in a man.

Our yoga spa date was fun and relaxing. They taught us how to tap in to our pineal gland to promote mental ascension and how to get in tune with our chakras and have them aligned; needless to say, it was extremely deep. After yoga, we ate dinner on fisherman’s wharf, followed by a walk by the water and a two-hour conversation overlooking the San Francisco Bay. The most memorable point in the conversation for me was, when she looked deep in my eyes, and while fighting off a smile; she told me, ‘Ebrahim, I want to thank you for tonight. You really restored my faith in real men; I’m glad to know true love does exist in our generation, this is what it should be like.’

Even though I am single and enjoy going out on a fun date with a young woman, I don’t take every beautiful woman who wants my time out on a date, because in the back of my mind; I’m looking for a WIFE. Each woman I meet, I want to see if she is wife material, because I know damn well I am I’m husband material.

By the end of each first date with me, women realize; I’m not one of these typical males they are used to who are just saying all the right things so he can get her undressed. By my actions they can clearly see, I’m on a higher mental level than the males they have been exposed to, because I’m not looking for a girlfriend, I’m looking for a wife. This is what you want to embody when you take a woman out on a date young kings. The way you can get the exact queen you deserve is by showing her there’s a distinct difference between you, and every other male she’s ever met through your intention to commit to her and your ability to spoil her.

If we want our sisters to be taken out, if we want our daughters to be spoiled; as Men we must to set the first example. How you treat a woman is how your sisters will allow a man to treat them. Young kings, you have to consider that you deserve your dream woman; you deserve the caliber of woman who merits spoiling.

I will spoil the hell out of my future wife. Give her my card & let her go on shopping sprees, so she can take my sister with her. I want my woman fitted and fashionably fly at all times. If your woman is tacky & unkempt, eyebrows & nails messed up, looking like eagle’s claws gripping the bottom of her open-toe heels, tracks all showing, weave looking all wild like Mufasa’s mane; it reflects back negatively onto you as a man. The woman you pursue is a reflection of you, your ambition and your level of class, or lack thereof.

The sign of a mentally mature man is one who can commit to something, commit to a major, commit to a career, commit to a creative discipline and commit to a loyal woman, respectively. Don’t just make her a friend with sexual benefits, while stringing her heart along.

Make it official with her, and once you do; be all in. Don’t lie, cheat or talk to women on the side. Don’t make her your ‘main’, or your ‘number one’; cut off all your self-proclaimed side hoes & make her your ONE & ONLY. Take her out on a REAL date, where you plan & pay for everything; not just to your house for sex.

Commit to her; define what you and her are. Don’t make a woman feel like she’s not the only one. Don’t tell her ‘we don’t need a title’; it’s not about a damn title, it’s about loyalty. All a loyal woman really wants is consistency and attention. Don’t have her wondering all day, ‘so what are we?’ Show her off; make her feel special in front of her friends. Kiss her and tell her you love her in front of your bros; don’t switch up & treat her differently in front of your friends. Don’t hide your relationship with her. Compliment her everyday, let her know how much better she makes your life. Make her smile & happy all throughout the day; never make her sad, frustrated or feel she has no one to talk or vent to. Be the one she can talk to about her problems, listen & give solutions to her; speak life into her heart, so it vibrates through her whole body to the point she feels you give her life.

A taken woman should never feel alone or lonely while in a relationship with you. If she is loyal to you, be loyal to her. The worst feeling to a loyal woman is questioning if you are out there making her look stupid to everyone for choosing to be loyal to her. Never wait until it’s too late to show a woman how much you really love her. This is not being soft, this is not being a simp; this is being a MATURE man.

We have to wake up & come to the cognitive realization that proving our manhood to other males by disrespecting women over and over, cheating on women over and over, and entertaining the company of multiple women over and over is the definition of insanity. What proves our manhood is how much we can humble ourselves to the one who gives us all life, a woman.”

I want young queens to know it is not your fault as a woman you are single. It is, however your responsibility as a woman to remember: a male will only treat you how you allow him to; he will only constantly do to you what he feels he can get away with.

One reason so many males are so hesitant to commit to a woman, is because some females allow males to sleep with her without commitment, never challenge him to be a man and meet minimal standards, and accept any kind of treatment and disloyalty from a male.

If you are so unhappy being single, you can’t enjoy your life and feel as though you “need a man”, you are not ready and fully healed for a serious relationship. Start loving your true self and stop trying to find a man. You will never need to find a man, the man you deserve will find YOU. I never seen a diamond have to find a man who can treasure it’s value and appreciate its worth. Good women are diamonds in that regard, but even a diamond must know its own worth and what it deserves; commitment.

Courtesy of http://realnewspaper.wordpress.com/2014/04/03/beautiful-women-never-asked-on-a-real-date/

The 7 Golden Rules of Being a Wingman

Winging is your chance to interact with women in a no-lose setting.

Nick Savoy

Attractive women rarely fly solo—or date men who do. Having a solid wingman by your side can mean the difference between the two of you sharing the night with a bevy of chicks [1] or a basket of chicken wings.

However, playing Goose to your buddy’s Maverick is about more than telling every woman he meets the highly exaggerated story about how he once rescued a nun from a burning building. (Because the building wasn’t actually on fire. And she wasn’t actually a nun. Though she did have a habit.) It’s also your job to entertain her friends while keeping your eyes peeled for potential rivals, whose wings might need to be clipped with a swift “Alpha Mike Foxtrot.” (Look it up.)

Winging can also do wonders for your own confidence: It’s an opportunity to interact with women in a nothing-to-lose setting. Soar in your role, and you’ll gain a loyal wingman in return.
Consider this your field-tested guide to being the ultimate wingman, forged from more than 2,000 nights at bars [2] and clubs teaching men how to attract beautiful women. Abide by its rules the next time you’re out with your friends, and you’ll be armed and ready for any approach.

Wingman Basics: First, Do No Harm

Rule No. 1: He who approaches, chooses
It takes balls (and skill) to go over to a group of women, risk being shot down, and start a conversation that goes somewhere [4]. Hence the essential rule: Whoever makes first contact becomes the primary pilot and gets first choice.

Rule No. 2: Maverick is always right
Women learn a lot from how you and your buddies treat each other. Act like your friends are the coolest people in the world, and women are more likely to agree. Blowing off your friend for a woman you’ve known for 10 minutes just tells her you’re desperate.




Rule No. 3: Respect the ratios
Your friend is talking to three women. You join. One of the friends [6] seems to like you, and now you want to take her somewhere private, away from the group. Should you? No. If you do, you’ve left your buddy with the woman he wants—and her friend. In other words, you’ve left him needing a wingman. Wasn’t that your job? (However, if it’s just two guys and two girls, leave with the other woman if you can. We call that a win-win.)

Rule No. 4: Say what your friend can’t
Wait until your buddy goes to the bathroom to talk about his best qualities. For bonus points, don’t talk directly to the woman he’s interested in. Tell one of her friends instead, and wait for her to repeat it.

Rule No. 5: Do what your friend can’t
If your buddy is too direct with his girl, it might turn her off [7]. But you can suggest one last drink to enjoy the view from his amazing rooftop. Or, if you know she drove there, explain an “emergency” to your friend and why you have to go, and ask his girl if she’d mind driving him home, since you were his ride.





Rule No. 6: Act like the game Is over
Act like your friend and the woman he’s talking to are a couple. Talk about them as a unit. You’ll be amazed by the effect. It’s a technique called “framing”: Women are more affected by subcommunications than by what’s actually being said.

Rule No. 7: Communicate
Women talk in private. Men don’t. Text instead. That way you can discretely call any necessary audible, like, “Are you sure you’re not beer -goggling?” or, “Don’t tell the nun-in-the- burning-building story—I already did.”

Why Successful People Leave Their Loser Friends Behind

By Brenton Weyi on April 25, 2013

We all want to be amazing. We all want to be successful, happy, and regarded as important figures in our fields. I am sure that you’ve heard all of the keys to success before: planning, hard work, perseverance, etc.

But today we are going to look at the one factor that will likely make or break your success: the people you surround yourself with.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

Want to be Amazing? Surround Yourself with Amazing People

The Make or Break List

A good friend of mine once told me of a man he knows who brought himself up from rags to riches.  Living paycheck to paycheck was a luxury for this man, and he decided that he was tired of being trapped by his own life. The poor man looked around at his friends, and noticed that one of them – who wasn’t particularly smart or more talented – had become quite wealthy. He asked this man how he accrued this wealth, how he was able to become a millionaire. The wealthy man’s response was simple: “keep the right company.”

The man took that advice to heart. He quickly noticed that all of the other friends he had hated hard work and had no desire to improve themselves. So he sought out new friends, he went around to conventions and seminars to connect with people who had made something of themselves. After he had completely replaced the people in his network, he decided to make a list. This list was simple. It had a column for people who would improve his life, and a column for people who would drag him down.

If someone could improve his life, he spent as much time around them as possible. If someone could drag him down, he never spent more than five minutes around them.After following his “make or break” list, the man was able to become a millionaire within three years.

No One does it Alone

The five-minute rule may be a little extreme, but there is an important lesson to learn from it: if you surround yourself with positive people who build you up, the sky is the limit.

There is an ideal in our society of the “self-made” man – a man who is able to find success through his own efforts. Now, don’t get me wrong, success does require an immense amount of determination and personal grit. However, success also depends on the ability to connect with people who have already made it.

There was once a man named Ernest Hemingway. If you aren’t familiar with Ernest Hemingway, he was one of the greatest American writers of all time. Even a great writer like Hemingway didn’t succeed on his own. He worked at a newspaper where his boss – a writer named Sherwood Anderson – helped him get his first novel published. Hemingway then connected with other no-name writers like F. Scott Fitzgerald, Virginia Woolf, and James Joyce.

This community of great writers helped to influence his style, success, and drove him to write every single day and become one of the greatest authors of his generation.

Hemingway is a testament to the fact that innate talent alone does not equal success. It’s hard to keep up a strict schedule to perfect your craft or improve yourself if you don’t have people around you with similar interests. Your network – your five key people – will determine the way you think, the way you act, and the way you approach your life goals.

Three Essential People

A mentor once told me that no matter how many close people you have in your network, if you want to be truly great, you must have three essential people in your life at all times: 

1. A person who is older and more successful than you to learn from
2. A person who is equal to you to exchange ideas with
3. A person below you to coach and keep you energized

A great figure of history who embodied this principle was Aristotle. Aristotle was one of the greatest minds to ever grace this beautiful Earth, but this was only so because he was constantly challenging himself and working to refine his talents. He exchanged ideas with other Greek philosophers in the “Academy,” learned from his mentor Plato, and taught a young boy named Alexander…who would later become “Alexander the Great.”

Every great person was, is, or will be successful because of the company he or she keeps. They will make an impact because of a successful network of driven peers who provide both inspiration and healthy competition.

If you want to be remarkable, you must constantly challenge yourself and surround yourself with remarkable people. So think about what your goals are, and take a look around you. Do you need to write a “make or break” list?

Do you have the kind of people who are going to lead you to live the life of your dreams?

“Don’t join an easy crowd. Go where the expectations and the demands to perform and achieve are high.” – Jim Rohn

Strive to be better. Strive to be more. Strive to beamazing.

Plateau Busting: How to Take Your Life to the Next Level

by BRETT & KATE MCKAY on AUGUST 14, 2011 · 

In our quest to become the best men we can be, we’ll often hit plateaus where we feel like we aren’t making any progress at all. Those flat-line moments in life can be a real soul sucker. You can see where you want to be as a man, but you’re stuck at a level just below your desired goal. It seems like no matter what you do, you’ll never be able to improve.

Well, fear not, good men. Though you may feel destined to a purgatory of perpetual pedestrian plateauing, with a few minor adjustments to your view on life and your routine, you can punch through the cement wall of mediocrity and level up to the life you want.

Road Map to Plateauing

Back in the 60s, two psychologists, Paul Fitts and Michael Posner, set out to uncover why we plateau. They discovered that when we acquire a skill, we go through three stages.

The first stage of skill acquisition is called the cognitive phase. In this phase, we must concentrate intently on what we’re doing as we figure out strategies on how to accomplish the skill more efficiently and effectively. The cognitive phase is riddled with mistakes as we learn the ins and outs of our new pursuit.

The second phase of skill acquisition is the associative phase. During the associative phase, we make fewer mistakes. Consequently, we feel more comfortable with the skill and begin to concentrate less on what we’re doing.

The final stage is the autonomous phase, or what Joshua Foer, author of Moonwalking with Einstein, calls the “O.K. plateau.” We reach a skill level where we’re able to capably do the task without having to really think about it at all. Remember about how much you thought about what you were doing when you first got your driver’s license? Now driving is fairly automatic, like brushing your teeth.

This progression to the the O.K. plateau shows up in all areas of our lives. The plateaus we experience in our career, in our fitness level, in our love life, or in our spiritual life often follow this three stage process.

There are areas of your life where being okay is, well, a-okay. I don’t have any desire to be able to drive like Mario Andretti, and it’s handy to have many of life’s tasks set on autopilot.

But then there are areas of your life where you’ve hit a wall, and you’re not happy about it–you’re doing fine, but you’re still plagued with a restless feeling that there’s something more out there, a higher level you’d really like to reach.

People used to think that you couldn’t break past these plateaus because a plateau represented the limit of your genetic ability. No amount of exertion or education would help you overcome this wall. But Fitts, Posner, and other psychologists have discovered that with the right approach and a few attitude adjustments, all of us can bust through our plateaus and reach even higher.

How to Overcome Plateaus

Take risks. Growth comes when we stretch past our comfort zone. The big reason many people (especially high-achievers) plateau is because they don’t like to fail. Instead of taking on challenges that will help us grow, we stick with routines that we know we can successfully do. To protect our ego, we’d rather do the wrong things correctly, than do the right things wrongly. This aversion to risk is a recipe for plateauing.

Embrace the suck. To overcome your aversion to risk, you have to give yourself permission to fail and be mediocre. Instead of avoiding the things that are hardest for them, the greats of the world specifically focus on those things; they purposefully concentrate on the areas in which they make the most mistakes. This keeps them from getting stuck in the autonomous phase and propels their progress. So instead of seeing failure as a negative thing, think of your failures as steps to success. If you choose to learn from your failures, they can bring you closer to your goal; when you cut a string and then tie it back together, it’s shorter than it once was.

Step out of the echo chamber. Another reason we plateau is because everyone around us is telling us everything is gravy. We often confide in people who tell us what we want to hear, not what we need to hear. I know I’m guilty of doing this. I’ll finish a project and take it to somebody for some “constructive criticism,” when really I just want some positive affirmation on what I did.

If you feel stuck in an area of your life, seek out mentors who won’t pull any punches and will give you the honest criticism you need to improve. Yes, your ego will get bruised, but that’s the price one must pay for personal and professional growth.

Learning to accept criticism is something that simply takes discipline and practice. First you work on taking the criticism into consideration at all. Then you work on shortening the time period between your initial reaction of “What?! There’s nothing wrong with what I did you noodle-brain knucklehead!” and the time later when you’re able to calmly reflect and see if there’s value in the criticism. I suppose the next stage is to skip that momentary urge to punch the criticizer in the throat altogether, but I’m not there yet myself!

Practice deliberately. Fitts and Posner discovered three keys to breaking through your plateau: 1) focus on technique, 2) stay goal oriented, and 3) and get immediate feedback on the performance. In other words, you need to practice deliberately to break through plateaus.

When Joshua Foer was trying to improve his memory in preparation for the United States Memory Championship, he hit a plateau where he stopped progressing. Despite a strict training regimen in which he looked at flash cards during his spare moments and constantly memorized things wherever he went, he couldn’t seem to get any better. To bust through this plateau, he had to deliberately push himself harder than before:

“To improve, we have to be constantly pushing ourselves beyond where we think our limits lie and then pay attention to how and why we fail. That’s what I needed to do if I was going to improve my memory. With typing, it’s relatively easy to get past the O.K. plateau. Psychologists have discovered that the most efficient method is to force yourself to type 10 to 20 percent faster than your comfort pace and to allow yourself to make mistakes. Only by watching yourself mistype at that faster speed can you figure out the obstacles that are slowing you down and overcome them. Ericsson suggested that I try the same thing with cards. He told me to find a metronome and to try to memorize a card every time it clicked. Once I figured out my limits, he instructed me to set the metronome 10 to 20 percent faster and keep trying at the quicker pace until I stopped making mistakes. Whenever I came across a card that was particularly troublesome, I was supposed to make a note of it and see if I could figure out why it was giving me cognitive hiccups. The technique worked, and within a couple days I was off the O.K. plateau, and my card times began falling again at a steady clip. Before long, I was committing entire decks to memory in just a few minutes.”

After a year of practice, Foer was able to memorize the order of a shuffled deck of cards in under two minutes.

Get back to basics. Whenever I hit plateaus in my life, my first response is to look for something new I can do to get me out of it. I think, “If I only find the right workout or the right planning system, my life will change and I can start making progress again.” Sometimes changing things up can help us break through a plateau, but in my experience, I just waste more time searching for that new, magic thing that will change my life for the better. So instead of spending time on searching for the new, I start focusing on the basics. When I hit a plateau with my writing, I’ll review my composition skills by doing some exercises from a book. When I hit a plateau with my weight lifting, I’ll reduce the weight, focus on my form, and slowly start adding weight again.

On numerous occasions, I’ve found that even when you’re advanced at something, delving back into the basics can actually give you fresh insights that help you progress even further.

Think long term. When we think short-term, we have a tendency to feel that plateaus are permanent. But when we take the big picture view of things, we start to see plateaus as temporary way stations that we’ll eventually get past with a bit of hard work. Moreover, by thinking long term, we give ourselves more latitude to take risks and fail because we see that missteps are just momentary setbacks in the long journey of life.

To cultivate this attitude, reflect on a time where you felt you had reached the end of your development in some area, only to later bust through the plateau. If it was possible then; it’s possible now. If you don’t have that experience yet yourself, ask a friend to tell you about one of his.

When I was learning Spanish while living in Mexico, I hit a point where I felt like I had stopped  progressing, and I didn’t feel like I could get any better. But I couldn’t shake the niggling feeling that I was wrong. So I made another push–I started reading my basic Spanish grammar books again, and I stopped being afraid to make mistakes. I just went for it when talking with people. And lo and behold, my fluency rose to a whole new level. Now when I reach a plateau in another area of my life, I simply remember that example, and realize that the feeling that I’ll never get any better is nothing more than my darn lazy brain selling me a bill of goods.

Persuasion Not Compulsion

When federal laws unambiguously prohibit whipping or caning of women, religious laws must not be allowed to do the opposite.

ONE of the small things that I am grateful for is that I cannot be legally whipped or caned for any offence any more. Yes, there are criminal penalties which can specify whipping, but not for those over 50, I am told. Sometimes being old(er) is an advantage.

The other reason that I won’t be legally whipped is that I am not a Muslim and therefore my personal behaviour is not subject to syariah courts, which can hold me liable for offences such as drinking alcohol and have me caned.

For me and for millions of Malaysians of all races and religions, Feb 9, 2010, was a sad, black day in the history of our country. On that day, three women were caned legally for the first time ever in this country. They, all Muslims, were caned for engaging in illicit sex, an offence under syariah law, it was announced.

It is shocking that such sentences are being meted out for such offences. While religious laws may allow for such sentences, it is possible for judges to mete out lower sentences, especially when such “offences” are of a very personal nature and harm no one else.

When there are loopholes in religious laws which allow such punishment out of all proportion to the “crime” committed, and which go against the sensibilities of most Malaysians, then it is incumbent upon the Government of the day to use the legislature to do the needful. Otherwise it abdicates its responsibility.

Illicit sex means sex out of wedlock and if we are all not hypocrites, we will admit that it happens all the time, among both Muslims and non-Muslims. To prescribe caning for such an offence is something that most Malaysians are likely to consider just too much.

It also opens the door for caning for more minor offences in the eyes of religious officials, such as drinking alcohol. In fact one Muslim woman, who has refused to appeal her case, is currently awaiting a caning sentence to be carried out after she was found guilty of drinking alcohol.

That case attracted international attention and made it to the front page of two international financial dailies – The Wall Street Journal and The Financial Times – on the same day last year. The current case, announced on Wednesday, is already beginning to attract world attention.

With three women already having been caned for illicit sex, the way has been paved for more caning of women in the future. That will not endear Malaysia to Malaysians, let alone foreigners who are inevitably going to equate us with the Taliban. And who can blame them?

And are we going to go further down the slippery road and cane women for dressing immodestly too, as has been done in some countries?

There are already indications that Malays, especially women, are migrating and leaving their homeland, not because they don’t have opportunities here but because as Muslims, their personal freedom is restricted – and there is danger that it will be curtailed even more.

Yes, it has been said the three women did not suffer any cuts or bruises following the caning but that is scant consolation to those who have to undergo such humiliating punishment on top of the intrusion into their personal affairs.

As if the caning was not bad enough, alarmingly they spent months in prison. One of them is still serving her jail sentence and will be released only in June.

All three were found guilty of committing illicit sex by the Federal Territory Syariah High Court, which issued the caning order between December last year and last month. Perplexingly, they were not made public at that point of time. The public had no idea of the caning before it was done.

Also, it was not clear if the women had exercised their full rights under syariah law by appealing the court’s decision.

These are behaviours which should not be treated as if they were criminal offences; but they have been. The offenders have not only been caned but also jailed, which is rather harsh punishment for something which did not harm anyone else and was done in privacy and behind closed doors.

This is clear indication that there are laws in our statute books – both syariah as well as civil – which are outdated and need to be revised in keeping with the times and the recognition that individuals have personal rights.

Personal behaviour between consenting adults that do no physical harm to them and to others should not be legislated. This is in keeping with the development of personal rights throughout the world, and anything that takes away these rights is a step backwards.

Religion is open to interpretation, man interprets it and man can – and does – make mistakes.

Even if religious rules are flouted, we should have a system which does not mete out punishment for offences, and focus instead on rehabilitation and counselling. That will be in keeping with the universal tenet that there is no compulsion when it comes to religion.

Custodial and punitive sentences by religious courts should be limited via statutes because personal behaviour of adults is often involved and there is no hurt or harm to any others arising from such behaviour.

Religion is about persuasion not compulsion, about faith not certainty, and that is the way we should keep it. Otherwise, bigotry is going to get in the way and we won’t be following the tenets of religion but of those who choose to interpret it the way they want to.

We have all seen what happens when religion – no matter what religion – is carried to extremes and hijacked by bigots. We don’t want public flogging, we don’t want arms chopped off, we don’t want people to be stoned to death, and we don’t want people to be burned at the stake.

We have already moved way past that. Let’s not allow a small number of religious bigots to take us back into the dark ages. And for that, we all need to stand up and speak up when our individual rights are trampled upon.

by P. Gunasegaram

Carrot, Egg, or coffee bean

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling.

It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its richness and savored its aroma.

The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity – boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get even better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

So, I guess I don’t need to ask the question again…

Giving Life To Constitution

The Constitution is what happens. It must be understood not only by its form but it’s functioning and what it does, its content and also its consequences.

ON JUNE 26, my book Document of Destiny – The Constitution of the Federation of Malaysia was launched by The Star in the presence of the Chief Justice, other superior court judges and many legal luminaries.

It was my privilege to address the distinguished audience and to acknowledge that studying, teaching and writing about our nation’s basic law for the last three-and-a-half decades has been a great honour indeed.

I have taught other subjects like contracts, torts, administrative law, family law, clinical legal education and jurisprudence but none of them arouse the awe and sense of semi-sacredness I feel when I lecture on the glittering generalities of the Constitution.

I hold up the Constitution as our document of destiny, our chart and compass, our sail and anchor, our armour of defence against the passions, prejudices and vicissitudes of politics.

I view the Constitution not just as a lawyer’s document but also the vehicle of a community’s legal, political and social life. It is the repository of the nation’s dreams and demands, its values and vulnerabilities.

It provides a framework for managing our dazzling diversity. It seeks to reconcile the irreconcilable demands and expectations of the various racial and religious communities in a way that has few parallels in the modern world.

It provides the foundation on which the superstructure of the state rests. It creates our basic institutions and vests them with powers and responsibilities. It is the guardian of our rights and the source of our freedoms. It seeks to balance the might of the state with the rights of the citizens.

Over the years as my immersion in constitutional law deepened, I began to see its majesty, its beauty, its contradictions, its flaws, its historical antecedents and its complexity.

Each semester, as I ended a course, the islands of knowledge began to grow. And as the islands of knowledge began to grow, the shorelines of mystery began to expand.

Despite three-and-a-half-decades as a teacher, I still feel like the child at the seashore with just a few colourful seashells in my pocket and a vast, mysterious ocean lapping at my feet.

In the presence of learned judges, I observed that because of the veneration I feel for the Constitution, there is also a sense of veneration I feel for the institution of the judiciary.

Many continental countries do not place the judiciary at the heart of the legal system. But being a child of the common law tradition, I see the judiciary as a vital component of our constitutional arch, as the bulwark of our liberties, and as protector and guardian of values on which a democratic, rule-of-law society thrives.

I confess that I subscribe to an activist role for the judiciary. I believe that throughout the world there has been a massive enlargement of the bureaucratic apparatus of the state. The traditional parliamentary techniques for checking and balancing the executive are not working well.

Therefore, it is imperative that judicial control over the administration must be strengthened. Prof Wade puts it beautifully: “As liberty is subtracted, justice must be added”.

I am aware that judicial activism has its critics even in the land of Marbury v Madison. But I believe that in the area of constitutional law, judicial activism is unavoidable for a number of compelling reasons.

First, all constitutions by necessity consist of glittering generalities. At their inception the general provisions of the basic law could not possibly envision the changed circumstances of posterity. As an organic, living institution, the Constitution must be interpreted dynamically in accordance with the spirit of the age.

Provisions crystallised in one age have to be applied in a time frame of the continuum to problems of another age. A present time-frame interpretation to a past time-frame law invariably involves the judge in a time-travel from the past to the present.

Second, life is larger than the law. A Constitution has many gaps. For example Article 5 of the chapter on fundamental rights enjoins that no one shall be deprived of life or personal liberty save in accordance with law. But the Article is silent about an expeditious trial. The result is that many remand prisoners spend years waiting for their day in court.

Does their explicit right to liberty include the implicit right to an expeditious trial? I believe that it should. As Justice Bhagwati of India says: In novel situations, the judge “has to reach out into the heart of legal darkness where the flames of precedent fade and flicker”, and extract from there some raw materials with which to fashion a signpost to guide the law.

The contemporary jurist Ronald Dworkin prescribes the same remedy. When rules run out, as they often do, the judge has to rely on “non-rule standards”, principles, doctrines, presumptions and standards to assist in the decision.

Third, the formal law is so full of ambiguities and conflicts that often the judge has to reach out beyond formal rules to seek a solution to the problem at hand.

As Oliver Wendell Holmes once said: “The interpretation of constitutional principles must not be too literal. We must remember that the machinery of government would not work if it were not allowed a little play in its joints”.

Even if it is argued that a judge has to interpret the Constitution according to the intention of it architects (which intention is often not clearly defined), it is nevertheless true that the interpretive task is, in its functioning if not in its form, virtually indistinguishable from the law creating task.

To quote Justice Holmes again: “A word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanged. It is the skin of a living thought and may vary greatly in colour and content according to the circumstances and the time in which it is used. It is for the judge to give meaning to what the legislature has said.”

Fourthly, when the declared law leads to unjust results or raises issues of public policy or public interest, judges around the world try to find ways of adding moral colours or public policy shades to the legal canvas.

One could note, for instance, the ‘public interest’ interpretation of Article 5(3) of the Federal Constitution in Ooi Ah Phua v Officer-in-Charge Kedah/Perlis [1975] 2 MLJ 198 in which the courts held that the constitutional right to legal representation can be postponed to a reasonable time till police complete their investigation.

In sum, the judge is entitled to look at the totality of the laws, institutions, moral standards and objectives on which his society is based. He is justified in giving effect to what is implicit in the legal system and to crystallise what is inherent. His task is creative and not passive.

The broad definition of “law” in Article 160(2) of the Federal Constitution lends credence to the argument for a holistic view of legal practice.

The contrasting idea that a Constitution can be entirely understood by a study of its language and its history is a fiction. The Constitution is what the judges, the politicians, the civil servants and the people who count in public affairs understand it to be and are prepared to respect and enforce.

In the final resort, the Constitution is what happens. It must be understood not only by its form but also by its functioning; not only by what it says, but also by what it does; not only by its content but also by its consequences.

Judges are not the only ones who interpret the Constitution. But more than other functionaries they have the power to give life to static clauses of the law, to correct any misinterpretations, to chart new directions and to make the imperatives of the Constitution become the aspirations of the people.

courtesy of Shad Saleem Faruqi