Best Man's Speech

"The speech you will give as a best man will be the toughest speech you give in your life. Or at least it would have been before you discovered this incredibly useful Madlibs-style template." 

The speech you will give as a best man will be the toughest speech you give in your life. Or at least it would have been before you discovered this incredibly useful Madlibs-style template, which will shave your speech preparation down from a couple of weeks to 10 minutes.

For your speech to be truly perfect, however, you must respect these two rules as you feel in the blanks:

1. Maintain the right emotional balance. The perfect best man's speech makes the audience laugh at the beginning and cry at the end. Don't get too emotional too quickly, or they will snicker at you.

2. Keep your anecdotes accessible. There is nothing worse than a speech that only the best man and groom can understand. Your jokes should feel like inside jokes to as much of the room as possible.

The Universally Perfect Best Man's Speech 

Good evening, everyone. Thanks for putting down your forks for long enough to give me your undivided attention. For those of you who don’t know who I am, I’m the best man. And before I say anything else, I’d like us all to take a moment to appreciate and raise our glasses to [names of parents who paid, starting with mom] for what has been thus far a wonderful celebration on such a special occasion. Now, I know that most of you don’t make it out often and only came here for the free [main course -- probably chicken], so I’ve been asked by [bride’s name] to instruct you not to make a scene -- I’m looking at you [troublesome uncle or youngest child in attendance].

I first met [groom’s name] at [authentic first meeting occasion], but I really got to know him at [another early meeting that supports coming anecdote].

Don’t worry, [bride’s name]. I’m not leading to the story you’re worried about!

So when I first saw [groom’s name] at [early meeting that supports coming anecdote], I couldn’t believe that he was [weird behavior that at least 80% of room will recognize]. Now, I know they say that you never get a second chance to make a first impression, but let’s just say that [groom’s name] should be grateful that that’s just a myth!

[Groom] stopped doing [aforementioned weird behavior] not long after that meeting, but, happily, he didn’t lose his [positive personality trait driving weird behavior]. And for anyone who doubted that he did, let’s not forget about our night at [bachelor party venue]… Just kidding, [bride’s name]. [Groom’s name] was as well behaved… ahem, dull… as [grumpiest person in attendance].

But there’s a lot more to being [positive personality trait driving weird behavior] than [aforementioned weird behavior]. We’ve all seen [groom’s name] bring his [positive personality trait] to his work as a [groom’s profession] and to his pursuit of [universally recognized hobby or pastime]. And it’s definitely been a driving force in a friendship that has lasted [length of time of friendship], with a lot of years yet to come.

And, in any case, we all knew that [aforementioned weird behavior] wouldn’t last forever. (At least we all hoped it wouldn’t!) If it had, then [bride’s name] probably wouldn’t have given [groom’s name] a second look at [venue of their first meeting], where they first met. Walking into [venue of their first meeting], I’m sure neither [groom’s name] nor [bride’s name] expected it to be the start of a journey that would lead us here today. After all, [bride’s name] was so busy with her [estimable occupation/hobby/passion of that time], while [groom’s name] was so busy with his [ridiculous/juvenile hobby], that neither thought that they had room for another person in their life. 

On [approximate date of first meeting], destiny changed their plans.

And this was the first of many changes to come in [groom’s name]’s life. First of all, gone were his [bad lifestyle habit] and his [bad fashion trademark]! But, more importantly, we started to see [groom’s name] shine in ways we never knew possible. [Bride’s name], whether it was through her [positive personality trait] or her introducing[groom’s name] to [positive group activity], brought a new dimension of happiness to him that even I had never seen. But, having got to know [bride’s name]’s family a bit more in recent weeks, now I understand where this happiness comes from.

In fact, tonight I see two very happy families coming together. And we all know how delicate interfamilial relations can be -- particularly when one family is [nationality or religious denomination of groom’s family] and the other is [nationality or religious denomination of bride’s family]. But whether it’s over a steaming plate of[traditional meal associated with nationality of one group] or getting together around the [icon associated with religious denomination of other group], it all comes down the same thing: love and mutual respect. And I think you would all agree that there’s a lot of that in this room today, and I think you’d also agree that there’s a lot of that between [groom’s name] and [bride’s name].

So let’s all raise our glasses to the happy couple. [Groom’s name] may not [aforementioned weird behavior] anymore, but with [bride’s name] at his side, his [positive personality trait driving weird behavior] is now perfectly matched. Cheers!

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