Installing Love

Installing Love 

Tech Support:   Yes, how can I help you?

Customer:         Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support:   Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer:          Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready- What do I do first?

Tech Support:   The first step is to open y our Heart.   Have you located   your Heart?

Customer:          Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
  Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support:   What programs are running ?

Customer:          Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support:  No problem. Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system.   It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer  disrupt other programs.    Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment.   Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.   Can you turn those off?

Customer:         I don't know how to turn them off.   Can you tell me how?
  
Tech Support: With pleasure.  Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness.  Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer:       Okay, done!  Love has started installing itself.   Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.    You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.  

Customer:       Oops! I have an error message already.   It says, ' Error -  Program not run on external components' What should I do?
  
Tech Support:   Don't worry.   It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart.
In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer:          So, what should I do?
  

Tech Support:   Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files:  Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer:         Okay, done.
  
Tech Support:   Now, copy them to the 'My Heart' directory.  The system will   overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming.   Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back

Customer:          Got it. Hey!  My heart is filling up with new files.   Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support:   Sometimes.  For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time.   So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware.  Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet.   They will in turn share it with others and return some cool  modules back to you.

Customer:          Thank you, God.

God/Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime. 
  

Programme to stay.

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Sunday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me, please???

Thanks, 
Software Engineer.

------------------

Dear Software Engineer,
Ref: Upgrade from girlfriend to Wife

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely that you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so that, in the end, nothing would be gained. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than with the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,regardless of their actual cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case, avoid excessive use of the Esc key because -- ultimately-you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support.